I sing for my chicken.

I think maybe in a previous life I was a freestyle rapper or a Disney Princess. Probably Sleeping Beauty. Yes, because I really feel like the world would be amazing and better if we periodically burst into song and poetry. Canes Chicken establishments have already taken steps to make this dream a reality. Instead of the mundane, "Can I take your order?" or "May I help you?" or "Would you like to try one of our new Angus Beef burgers?" Cane's employees break it DOWN: "Finger lickin' chicken, what combo you pickin?" So fun. I love them so much. What an easy, clever way to inspire real appreciation. I want to buy Canes' Chicken because they offer it so creatively. Next time I go, I'm responding accordingly:
"Hey, hey, hey, my mind's been a wishin,' the three finger combo's the one that I'm pickin!'" And what to drink? My combo'd go grand with a diet coke-and wash my fries down and keep me from chokin'."

I'm really certain so many people would be happier if they could always order things in verse or song form. It just makes it less like an order and more like a request to a dear friend. And everyone could get really excited about simple things and hopefully start dancing in the middle of the work day in unison, and then everyone would get free chicken at the end of the song.


Ok, so that's my nerd fantasy of the day. Realistically speaking, I think the Canes' employee phenomenon is a testament to how Americans can and should take steps to making the workplace happier in general. We should not spend our average of 60 hours a week hating life. Everyone has to work, so let's enjoy it a little more. Make up a limerick about your coworker, or a Haiku. He or she will love you.

How to lose weight surely and rapidly

1. Have your boyfriend break up with you suddenly and preferably over a text message.
2. Get the flu

I hate dieting and I dread even thinking about the day when my metabolism will slow down so much that I won't be able to eat fast food whenever I want--not that I really ever eat fast food--or go out to watch the Saints game and down an entire order of loaded potato cheese fries and hamburger AND three beers. Actually, if I didn't dance three or four days a week or let depression effect my eating habits I would probably have to worry about that kind of food intake now. But back to the point: the great thing about the depression/illness method is that you often don't realize you're not eating and also can tend to exercise more often if only to keep from thinking about the thing that is making you depressed. Perfect, huh? I mean, the worst part of dieting is actually knowing that you're dieting because you are thinking about all the food you wish you could be eating but now can't eat. If you're not hungry, then you don't feel like you're missing out out on anything. In fact, you're forcing yourself to consume that tuna sandwich because you have to sustain yourself somehow.


I didn't say these were nice ways, I said they were "sure" and "rapid" ways to shed pounds. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but it's a perk to keep in mind if ever you find yourself ill or depressed within an inch of your life.