Doubting Tobias

A brief return to a paper I wrote exploring the validity and definition of DOUBT.

Whether Doubt is more Rational than Faith?

Objection 1: It would seem that to reason is to doubt, and is the rational opposite of faith. Descartes says that the essence of man is his reason. He arrives at this conclusion through a process of doubting everything, whittling his reality down to his own doubting thoughts, which he accepts as real because he is, in fact, thinking them. In the cogito, (“I think therefore I am”) he shows that to doubt is the base truth and ability of the human person, which is human reason.

Objection 2: Doubting may be defined as critical thinking which allows the thinker to deconstruct ideas, analyze the parts and their origins, and formulate opinions accordingly. This is also known as the reasoning process.

Objection 3: Doubt is necessary for examined faith. Man continually formulates and reformulates opinions though the process of doubting, i.e. reason, which includes the breaking down (doubting) and rebuilding (faith). Reason as a part of our free will allows us to be aware of and understand on varying levels why we believe and act a certain way. Therefore, it is more rational to doubt because faith is inherently dependent on a person’s ability to doubt that which he has faith in so that he can understand why he possesses the faith to being with.

On the contrary, “Even if faith is superior to reason there can never be a true divergence between faith and reason, since the same God who reveals the mysteries and bestows the gift of faith has also placed in the human spirit the light of reason. This God could not deny himself, nor could the truth ever contradict the truth” (Fides et Ratio chapter. 53. Quote from the First Vatican Council)

I answer that, The clash between doubt and faith can be compared to the “convictions” in Paul Ricoeur’s “hermeneutical detour” : Doubt and faith are two convictions which are navigated and governed through reason. Doubt should not be used synonymously with “reason” because it, as is faith, is merely a mode of reasoning, rather than reason itself; Doubting is not an end in itself. Rather, it must return to faith in some form as its product of reasoning. We formulate opinions through the process of having faith in some things and doubting others. Neither of these two, faith or doubt, is somehow contrary to human nature, nor is one less a part of the human rational being; and if both are part of our nature, than it follows that we should govern them with our reason. It is not possible to live in the state of doubt. Even while doubting, a person must be living positively in some way. For Descartes, his positive state was that he believed his mind (and its history) existed. While doubting is an acclaimed product of the modern, educated mind, and rightly so in the method of self-critique, it is incomplete without the necessary rebuilding of what it has broken down. In addition, it should be mentioned that doubt when it is not subject to the reasonable critique, it too may be as incomplete and unexamined as the faith it breaks down. Doubt which is not subject to the reasoning process, a constant movement back and forth between itself and faith, is simply another occasion of unexamined faith—or perhaps, just apathy. As I have stated above, it is impossible for a person to maintain a stasis of doubt.

Reply to Objection 1: Humans possess innate proclivities toward both doubt and faith, and we use our reason to choose when to doubt and when to have faith.

Reply to Objection 2: The first problem with defining doubt as reason is that it automatically takes faith out of the picture as something that is reasonable unless faith is modified by doubt (there is no faith without doubt.) Likewise, if faith were to be defined as reason, it would alienate doubt as something that is reasonable as well.

Reply to Objection 3: Faith is the product of examined doubt, towards which it is impossible for doubt not to aim. One cannot live in a state of doubt without also living in a state of faith on some level. For example: One who may doubt the existence of God will be likely to simultaneous harbor ardent belief in his own existence.

Diagram of the faith/doubt version of the Hermeneutic Arc:

faith |

| doubt

|

better |

faith |

|

V

REASON

Age old, eating away at my SOUL

While perusing my email today and attempting to clean out the 1500 or so emails that I've somehow found reason not to delete, I came across emails from my ex that once again cause my palms to sweat, my eyes to water, my throat to parch. Old flame? You might say that. More like splinter in my rear end. Splinter in my rear caused my the demolition of the cruise ship I was sunbathing on. The cruise ship I call "romance"... has "death trap" written on the underside of those life preservers.

Thoughts:

Why the HELL do I still think you're beautiful? Aren't you supposed to look ugly when you're an ugly person? YES you ARE."

The sick, ridiculous, frustrating and ultimately soul-killing part about this particular situation is that I still don't think he's an ugly person even though every logical part of my brain points to the fact that I should hate him.

No. I don't.

Not even now......

Nope...still don't.

#@$%@#$^@%^#$%&#$%&

Thoughts:

Why did you send me that goofy picture of you with you're hair perfectly mussed like you just got up from a nap, with your perfectly smoldering yet kind, little boy eyes looking out of the photo and then decide not to speak to me two weeks later?!

To summon The Merovingian, suddenly the reason, the why is not important, it's just the feeling.

It's really I who am the enemy here. It is I who kept the emails just waiting in my inbox like change you stash for a rainy day, purposely overlooked just long enough to be forgotten, but close enough at hand that you can bump into those shiny coins when you least expect it, and bask in the triumph of cashing it in for a desperately-needed caffeine fix. That's what you are, oh picture in my email. You're just today's meager fix as I continue trying to detox my body from the rush of hormones and decades-forward life plans I had to quit cold turkey. I'm just like any other addict, except my drug has a face. My stash-hole in the wall is my mind. Always easy access.

old colorado montage

Videos from my trip in February. I love you, Colorado.

the girl I mean to be

The girl I mean to be is an elusive specimen. Who knows where she goes when she's no longer attached to my body's brain stem. When I'm checked out, I think to myself, "she would have done it this way, but I don't have the energy."

That's it: I don't have the energy to be the girl I mean to be. I'm tired, dammit!

If I had the audacity to walk into work and be a completely different person, I might have more attitude, or break out into rap songs, or just plain ignore people when I don't feel like greeting them. I'm changing the tables of customer service--perhaps totally derailing the sensibility and decorum of what it means to serve the customer. Then again, maybe the public needs to be taught a lesson in customer service as well. We are not your serVANTS, but we serve. And there is respect involved on both parts. When the server treats the served with the kind of respect they receive, all HELL breaks loose. Well gee, people, can we learn anything from this?

Centuries long abuse from customers would suggest at the very least that we are still making 11th century decisions in a 21st century technologically oppressive, spoiled brat breeding world.

Am I a little sleep deprived? Yes
Am I a little cranky? more than a little


But the point of me saying any of this is not really to rant about how angry people make me, but to recognize that it's probably the many, many of us are deeply angry and sad about things that aren't clear even to us. We are prevented from being the people we mean to be--if we've even taken the time to cultivate an image of our ideal selves, which is unlikely in most cases--because we run into road blocks that we've not yet figured out how to get around. Knowing this, perhaps I can forgive the 3rd person today telling me that my job is ridiculous and my competence questionable. His or her emotional conflict and disquietude may well make my own look like a day at the park.

A Post-Modern Depression

I think my quarter life crisis is perhaps both a cause and effect of an insistent post-modern depression. My sister and I discussed our respective stomach knots and heart drops that plague our every day existence. Is it because we've achieved a certainty of survival, our needs of food and shelter have largely been met, that our default state of being is sadness? Is it that we have nothing but time to contemplate ourselves and the higher needs of community and love and trust are not being met?

Are people that are angry when they come into a place of business because...THEY are having the same existential crisis, the same poverty of the spirit?

The story of Alex

Sleep deprivation and Anger Management

Don't pay for anger management, just get some shut eye!!! I, a sleep deprivee now for 3 years, can fully admit that my irascible nature when it comes to the most meaningless, petty annoyances at work are a result of poor nutrition, dehydration, and most of all a lack of proper sleep.

Does this make your rudeness any less unacceptable, my dear friends? NO

But I take a certain degree of responsibility for my change in response in these post deprivation days: I may look at you with steely cold eyes after you insult my intelligence and mutter under my breath.

I MUST

I'm pretty sure the perfect accessory to my desk would be a sign that says "The Doctor is IN." Are you battling through an existential conundrum? Come, hash it out in exchange for coffee and food. The important thing, my good man or woman, is not HOW you are but WHY you are. I am because I MUST. And why must any of us...? Why is there something instead of nothing? To what extent to we will our own existence? If I ceased to want to be, I could essentially not be in a short period of time. Why do we want to be?

I kind of have an existential mini-crisis every time I see people working out. I think working out is kind of the most hilarious thing ever. Why don't we think its ridiculous to run nowhere? Every time I see people running on the street I imagine some alien looking down at the earth and seeing people running back and forth on a street, or in circles in a park, and wonder if they would think we were crazy, or delusional. Our lives are generally too fast-paced to incorporate exercise into our regular routine--like biking to the store, or anywhere--so we have to exercise our bodies in unnatural ways so we don't become like the people in Wall-E, floating around, eating all day.
Of course, on the other hand, we could view exercise as a means to both to physical conditioning as well as one of the few acceptable ways to do nothing for a couple of hours during the day. While we exercise with no other end but conditioning, we may in fact be creating time for our mind to rest enough to step back from the meaningless clutter that usually prevents us from becoming deeper individuals.

Mmm...could we say that is the something within the nothing?

Facebook Post

There's a sadness we may feel because our lives are not as real as we might appeal for life to be.What is good and what is sad, what is conscious, what is mad, may tear us down then make us glad, may rid of all the bad that keeps us tied, bound, and lost before we can see.

I wish life didn't have to be so ridiculously hard.

Facebook status worth keeping

Muppet hair posted, copied and pasted, time spent once only to be wasted, counting the days that I'll stay slim-waisted, considering the amount of cheese fries I've tasted.

How to Create Truth

How to create truth: Think about what you want your truth to be, what you want it to look like. You could draw a diagram. Next, repeat it over and over. Tell it to many people. Throw away the diagram (You don't need a reminder of the origin.) Repeat many, many times in your head until even you forget how you came to the story.
Voila, you've created your own truth.
I must warn you: your conscience may ache a little the first few times, you know, if you're not a seasoned truth creator

Just keep reminding yourself that you can't really feel bad if it hurts someone else because, hey, it's the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Isn't it incredibly convenient to create reality simply by manipulating your own memories. Haven't you ever seen sphere? We have the power to forget. We have to power NOT to interpret information placed before us, and we are incredibly susceptible to misinterpretation even if we are so concerned as to consider the information at all.

So have fun with your truth creation. You might want to take Ambien for the sleep loss.

Being There

Sometimes I'm really afraid that I may be like that guy in the movie "Being There" who is a gardener and talks about things like hoses and watering and transplanting, and the whole world thinks that he's saying really poignant things and making these great philosophical points, but really he's just talking about gardening...

Ok, I'm not really afraid of that because that's totally based on the stupidity of everyone else. Actually that's a really interesting concept because our world is so devoid of any real meaning that we have to insert it in places where it doesn't actually exist.
On the contrary, maybe meaning is only where we put it...Or maybe, meaning is everywhere and we have only to learn to recognize it.

Muppet Hair

Everything I think about is a complication. There is no more straight-forward thinking. I supposed I've slipped over the threshold of adult consciousness where there are no lines, just misty barriers in a house of mirrors. Everywhere I look, I see the same thing: issues and confusion.

In addition: I officially have muppet hair. I tried to be all "edged out" and the hair cut has done nothing but reveal my muppetness. I was so certain that I was the narrator!! No matter, muppets are awesome and I feel privileged to be among you all for the duration of my hair cut.
Hm, so this is what it's like to have an identity...I am..a muppet. I have muppet friends who play instruments the muppet way. Corey, you're definitely a muppet. Welcome to the club.

Facebook Post #1

Ive decided I need to start archiving favorite Facebook posts both from other people and my own.

Poem:

A capella, young fella, I'll tell ya is the best sound evah, on the mic like the bank tella, tell me I'm clevah, and stellah, like stars in the sky and I'm yours forevah.

Pet Names (warning: this is a total rant)

What's up with the pet names, guys? I'm not your baby. I'm not your darling. Believe me, you would know it if I were.

But oh wait, your ego has grown like a tumor over your retinas so you're not really seeing the disdain all over my face.

If you wish to infuriate me, by all means begin a conversation like this "Stick to romance, darling." Um, why don't you just give me a good slap on the hind quarters while you're at it. Is my hair in a bob? Is this the year 1923? Is your name Mugsy St. Germaine? Because my name is not "darling." It's not even remotely close to such an invitingly stupid sobriquet.

If I look like an idiot and you feel the need to speak to me with condescension, why don't you just try being the bigger person and walk away? Risking sounding like the ultimate hater, it must be said that I don't particularly associate with people I think are stupid because they irritate me, and because even if I think they have little to offer intellectually, I don't want to be MEAN to them. Better to walk away and leave them with the dignity they have as a human being.

This is not to say that I cannot be won over, nor that I refuse to be. I don't resist on purpose because I don't have to. Most men dig their own graves much more quickly than I ever could. Be aware that even if you do manage to spark my undivided attention, the flame can be doused as surely as it was lit by giving off the impression you doubt my mental capacity.

The next time you think it's ok to speak to a woman like she's a piece of chocolate cake, be aware the frosting may be laced with arsenic. We only serve the real thing when presented with a proper guest.