Getting what you want

Is it possible to get what you really, deep down want out of life, even if you aren't entirely sure what that is..

I only made it part of the way through that book-made-documentary " The Secret" because I felt foolish watching it. So, I can get everything I want simply by willing it to myself?  As a young Catholic, people used to tell me that I just needed to pray for God to help me to get what I needed. Maybe the opposing theories, one of total self-centered power, the other of powerlessness in the face of the will of God, have created a perfect mental storm leaving cynical apathy in its wake. Or maybe the Catholics have it right and God just simply says no quite a lot. I imagine God--a terrible imagination--shaking his head at me in condescension, "Poor little thing. She never asks the right questions." Alas, am I destined for the divine head-pat for ever? I suppose I shake my fist at the sky far too many times a day to be taken seriously.  

       I think the only thing more annoying than this abysmal communication gap between me and the divine universe is the self-awareness vacuum I encounter on a daily basis. It is said that we despise most in others what we see in ourselves, and I think that's true. And worse, we condemn others for that which we refuse to see in ourselves. And we are ALL capable of seeing ourselves for who we really are, excepting perhaps those with certain documented mental illness. If you think otherwise, I recommend Von Trier's rather disturbing movie, "Dogville." (In fact, if you are due for a soul shaking--and if you think you aren't than you most definitely are--I also recommend Breaking Waves and Melancholia. )

People are amazing--horrible, wonderful, powerful--and I guess this is also a premise behind things like "The Secret," and even in Christian teachings. The first thing we do that makes us worse, less human, is surrender our power.  (I can't help it. I can't change because...) The second, likely simultaneously with the first, is we fear knowledge---knowledge of self and knowledge of another--and blithely ignore the consequences.

Maybe the first step in getting what we want, or even merging with we need with what we want is making a pattern change in these two areas...

Let's WAKE UP, people.