old colorado montage

Videos from my trip in February. I love you, Colorado.

the girl I mean to be

The girl I mean to be is an elusive specimen. Who knows where she goes when she's no longer attached to my body's brain stem. When I'm checked out, I think to myself, "she would have done it this way, but I don't have the energy."

That's it: I don't have the energy to be the girl I mean to be. I'm tired, dammit!

If I had the audacity to walk into work and be a completely different person, I might have more attitude, or break out into rap songs, or just plain ignore people when I don't feel like greeting them. I'm changing the tables of customer service--perhaps totally derailing the sensibility and decorum of what it means to serve the customer. Then again, maybe the public needs to be taught a lesson in customer service as well. We are not your serVANTS, but we serve. And there is respect involved on both parts. When the server treats the served with the kind of respect they receive, all HELL breaks loose. Well gee, people, can we learn anything from this?

Centuries long abuse from customers would suggest at the very least that we are still making 11th century decisions in a 21st century technologically oppressive, spoiled brat breeding world.

Am I a little sleep deprived? Yes
Am I a little cranky? more than a little


But the point of me saying any of this is not really to rant about how angry people make me, but to recognize that it's probably the many, many of us are deeply angry and sad about things that aren't clear even to us. We are prevented from being the people we mean to be--if we've even taken the time to cultivate an image of our ideal selves, which is unlikely in most cases--because we run into road blocks that we've not yet figured out how to get around. Knowing this, perhaps I can forgive the 3rd person today telling me that my job is ridiculous and my competence questionable. His or her emotional conflict and disquietude may well make my own look like a day at the park.

A Post-Modern Depression

I think my quarter life crisis is perhaps both a cause and effect of an insistent post-modern depression. My sister and I discussed our respective stomach knots and heart drops that plague our every day existence. Is it because we've achieved a certainty of survival, our needs of food and shelter have largely been met, that our default state of being is sadness? Is it that we have nothing but time to contemplate ourselves and the higher needs of community and love and trust are not being met?

Are people that are angry when they come into a place of business because...THEY are having the same existential crisis, the same poverty of the spirit?

The story of Alex

Sleep deprivation and Anger Management

Don't pay for anger management, just get some shut eye!!! I, a sleep deprivee now for 3 years, can fully admit that my irascible nature when it comes to the most meaningless, petty annoyances at work are a result of poor nutrition, dehydration, and most of all a lack of proper sleep.

Does this make your rudeness any less unacceptable, my dear friends? NO

But I take a certain degree of responsibility for my change in response in these post deprivation days: I may look at you with steely cold eyes after you insult my intelligence and mutter under my breath.

I MUST

I'm pretty sure the perfect accessory to my desk would be a sign that says "The Doctor is IN." Are you battling through an existential conundrum? Come, hash it out in exchange for coffee and food. The important thing, my good man or woman, is not HOW you are but WHY you are. I am because I MUST. And why must any of us...? Why is there something instead of nothing? To what extent to we will our own existence? If I ceased to want to be, I could essentially not be in a short period of time. Why do we want to be?

I kind of have an existential mini-crisis every time I see people working out. I think working out is kind of the most hilarious thing ever. Why don't we think its ridiculous to run nowhere? Every time I see people running on the street I imagine some alien looking down at the earth and seeing people running back and forth on a street, or in circles in a park, and wonder if they would think we were crazy, or delusional. Our lives are generally too fast-paced to incorporate exercise into our regular routine--like biking to the store, or anywhere--so we have to exercise our bodies in unnatural ways so we don't become like the people in Wall-E, floating around, eating all day.
Of course, on the other hand, we could view exercise as a means to both to physical conditioning as well as one of the few acceptable ways to do nothing for a couple of hours during the day. While we exercise with no other end but conditioning, we may in fact be creating time for our mind to rest enough to step back from the meaningless clutter that usually prevents us from becoming deeper individuals.

Mmm...could we say that is the something within the nothing?

Facebook Post

There's a sadness we may feel because our lives are not as real as we might appeal for life to be.What is good and what is sad, what is conscious, what is mad, may tear us down then make us glad, may rid of all the bad that keeps us tied, bound, and lost before we can see.

I wish life didn't have to be so ridiculously hard.

Facebook status worth keeping

Muppet hair posted, copied and pasted, time spent once only to be wasted, counting the days that I'll stay slim-waisted, considering the amount of cheese fries I've tasted.

How to Create Truth

How to create truth: Think about what you want your truth to be, what you want it to look like. You could draw a diagram. Next, repeat it over and over. Tell it to many people. Throw away the diagram (You don't need a reminder of the origin.) Repeat many, many times in your head until even you forget how you came to the story.
Voila, you've created your own truth.
I must warn you: your conscience may ache a little the first few times, you know, if you're not a seasoned truth creator

Just keep reminding yourself that you can't really feel bad if it hurts someone else because, hey, it's the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Isn't it incredibly convenient to create reality simply by manipulating your own memories. Haven't you ever seen sphere? We have the power to forget. We have to power NOT to interpret information placed before us, and we are incredibly susceptible to misinterpretation even if we are so concerned as to consider the information at all.

So have fun with your truth creation. You might want to take Ambien for the sleep loss.

Being There

Sometimes I'm really afraid that I may be like that guy in the movie "Being There" who is a gardener and talks about things like hoses and watering and transplanting, and the whole world thinks that he's saying really poignant things and making these great philosophical points, but really he's just talking about gardening...

Ok, I'm not really afraid of that because that's totally based on the stupidity of everyone else. Actually that's a really interesting concept because our world is so devoid of any real meaning that we have to insert it in places where it doesn't actually exist.
On the contrary, maybe meaning is only where we put it...Or maybe, meaning is everywhere and we have only to learn to recognize it.

Muppet Hair

Everything I think about is a complication. There is no more straight-forward thinking. I supposed I've slipped over the threshold of adult consciousness where there are no lines, just misty barriers in a house of mirrors. Everywhere I look, I see the same thing: issues and confusion.

In addition: I officially have muppet hair. I tried to be all "edged out" and the hair cut has done nothing but reveal my muppetness. I was so certain that I was the narrator!! No matter, muppets are awesome and I feel privileged to be among you all for the duration of my hair cut.
Hm, so this is what it's like to have an identity...I am..a muppet. I have muppet friends who play instruments the muppet way. Corey, you're definitely a muppet. Welcome to the club.

Facebook Post #1

Ive decided I need to start archiving favorite Facebook posts both from other people and my own.

Poem:

A capella, young fella, I'll tell ya is the best sound evah, on the mic like the bank tella, tell me I'm clevah, and stellah, like stars in the sky and I'm yours forevah.

Pet Names (warning: this is a total rant)

What's up with the pet names, guys? I'm not your baby. I'm not your darling. Believe me, you would know it if I were.

But oh wait, your ego has grown like a tumor over your retinas so you're not really seeing the disdain all over my face.

If you wish to infuriate me, by all means begin a conversation like this "Stick to romance, darling." Um, why don't you just give me a good slap on the hind quarters while you're at it. Is my hair in a bob? Is this the year 1923? Is your name Mugsy St. Germaine? Because my name is not "darling." It's not even remotely close to such an invitingly stupid sobriquet.

If I look like an idiot and you feel the need to speak to me with condescension, why don't you just try being the bigger person and walk away? Risking sounding like the ultimate hater, it must be said that I don't particularly associate with people I think are stupid because they irritate me, and because even if I think they have little to offer intellectually, I don't want to be MEAN to them. Better to walk away and leave them with the dignity they have as a human being.

This is not to say that I cannot be won over, nor that I refuse to be. I don't resist on purpose because I don't have to. Most men dig their own graves much more quickly than I ever could. Be aware that even if you do manage to spark my undivided attention, the flame can be doused as surely as it was lit by giving off the impression you doubt my mental capacity.

The next time you think it's ok to speak to a woman like she's a piece of chocolate cake, be aware the frosting may be laced with arsenic. We only serve the real thing when presented with a proper guest.

I sing for my chicken.

I think maybe in a previous life I was a freestyle rapper or a Disney Princess. Probably Sleeping Beauty. Yes, because I really feel like the world would be amazing and better if we periodically burst into song and poetry. Canes Chicken establishments have already taken steps to make this dream a reality. Instead of the mundane, "Can I take your order?" or "May I help you?" or "Would you like to try one of our new Angus Beef burgers?" Cane's employees break it DOWN: "Finger lickin' chicken, what combo you pickin?" So fun. I love them so much. What an easy, clever way to inspire real appreciation. I want to buy Canes' Chicken because they offer it so creatively. Next time I go, I'm responding accordingly:
"Hey, hey, hey, my mind's been a wishin,' the three finger combo's the one that I'm pickin!'" And what to drink? My combo'd go grand with a diet coke-and wash my fries down and keep me from chokin'."

I'm really certain so many people would be happier if they could always order things in verse or song form. It just makes it less like an order and more like a request to a dear friend. And everyone could get really excited about simple things and hopefully start dancing in the middle of the work day in unison, and then everyone would get free chicken at the end of the song.


Ok, so that's my nerd fantasy of the day. Realistically speaking, I think the Canes' employee phenomenon is a testament to how Americans can and should take steps to making the workplace happier in general. We should not spend our average of 60 hours a week hating life. Everyone has to work, so let's enjoy it a little more. Make up a limerick about your coworker, or a Haiku. He or she will love you.

How to lose weight surely and rapidly

1. Have your boyfriend break up with you suddenly and preferably over a text message.
2. Get the flu

I hate dieting and I dread even thinking about the day when my metabolism will slow down so much that I won't be able to eat fast food whenever I want--not that I really ever eat fast food--or go out to watch the Saints game and down an entire order of loaded potato cheese fries and hamburger AND three beers. Actually, if I didn't dance three or four days a week or let depression effect my eating habits I would probably have to worry about that kind of food intake now. But back to the point: the great thing about the depression/illness method is that you often don't realize you're not eating and also can tend to exercise more often if only to keep from thinking about the thing that is making you depressed. Perfect, huh? I mean, the worst part of dieting is actually knowing that you're dieting because you are thinking about all the food you wish you could be eating but now can't eat. If you're not hungry, then you don't feel like you're missing out out on anything. In fact, you're forcing yourself to consume that tuna sandwich because you have to sustain yourself somehow.


I didn't say these were nice ways, I said they were "sure" and "rapid" ways to shed pounds. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but it's a perk to keep in mind if ever you find yourself ill or depressed within an inch of your life.