Pathetic

I'd write a story about my life if it weren't so horribly pathetic. At the age of 24, I've already adapted my life to that of a widow---without the cats. Today, I took a 2-hour nap, swept my kitchen floor, indulged in a few dark chocolate wafers, and then went outside to water my garden. But for the Kings of Leon song "I'm Soft" blaring from my laptop on repeat, my home and routine just might belong to my grandmother...except my grandmother is way cooler, with season tickets to the LSU games for 50+ years, constant travel for various reasons, and a time share in Disney. No, my grandmother is Rockin'. I wonder, as a widow of roughly 22 years, if she still gets the ache in her chest that my grandfather used to fill...
I must say, however, spending time thinking about plants is relaxing. My roses are growing, but I'm afraid are rather unkempt. I'm just glad they're surviving the heat, but I fantasize about having the perfect rose bushes, covered in perfect buds in cycle with perfect flowers. One day when I have the energy or will power to do more than water, I will buy a pair of gloves and a straw hat. GEES, more widowhood apparel.
Yes, my life is so pathetic at this point, I am manifesting what I want in life in my dreams. It is so real, I believe them when I wake up. I dream text messages I want to receive, conversations I want to have, pictures I want to see, people I wish were here..altogether, my dream universe is the one that I want to live in. Wow, now I'm a psychotic widow. the unfortunate part about this entire phenomenon is that instead of empowering me, the dreams only serve to make me even more depressed when I wake up. All of my choices have led me to this point...in pointland...in the one dimensional POINTLAND and I can't move because...a point doesn't even have being. It's just an intersection of two lines.
So the thing to do, in order to stop this ever emcompassing state of ineptitude, I have to change something...I have to move blindly down one line or another, or perhaps more frightening, jump off into--I hope--a third dimension.